The cult

I sit pretty.. for perfect imagery

Strip me down of my integrity 

Take away my right to feel.. what I must believe 

You’ve shut my mind and thrown the key 

You tell me what I can and can’t see

You tell me I’m free because I’ve forgotten what that means 

You’ve been so close with me

You have become my everything 

You make me feel that I’d regret to leave

Well there’s a leak..

I see that you’ve brain washed me

Adam and Eve 09.30.2015

“Like being in a dream or something, there’s truth but no logic”

Holding me together, but so gravely toxic

Killing me softly, but feeding me hope

Desiring my heart.. where there’s control

Created to allow you to control me

And you keep warning.. that you are no control freak 

I am lost.. trapped with your ways

“Love is blind”.. is not just a phrase

Just when my mind gathers boldness

You knock me down with impassive coldness

Then you come to me, warm like wine

And you leave this kindle at the base of my spine…

I prefer honesty 08.22.19 12:55am

Roses are red, they say that violets are blue

Don’t want to tell me the truth? 

Well that’s on you

I see through you and would never lie to you

Can we be real?

I can see your heart, it needs to heal

When we met, I branded myself… “caretaker”

In so many ways, you’ve shown yourself…  “heartbreaker”

But you’ve also been far greater

I want you to be right for me

Just please, don’t lie to me

Why do we feel entitled to love from certain people? … Free me

Although you’re not around, you’re always here

Rather I like it or not, you’re here more than the rest

You are embedded deeply, into my flesh

Some of my ways derive from you

Even though I’ve cried for you, more than you knew 

No matter how many times you’ve walked out my mental door

When I look in the mirror, my eyes are yours

You’ll say that you think of me constantly, but you’re never around

You tell me you love me, is that not profound?

You shed a few tears, and I think that you’ve changed

But then, I’m the one returning to YOUR old ways

Is that wrong? Does that not make any sense?

The thought of your blood running through my veins… it’s so intense

When boys tell me I’m pretty, I think of you

You should be there, and that should be your cue

You made my body, just to neglect

How could you create something that you won’t protect?

One day you’ll look up and I’m not around

Remember that I am love and friendship that you ever so ignorantly never found.

June 2016.. Real love

In love with you, though we never officially met
Addicted to you..figuratively my non existing cigarette
I constantly think of you..Day by Day
You bring tears to me in your own non existing little way
I picture you..because my mind is resolute
But why this happened..I just cant compute
If we ever met..I could never explain..
But I feel like you get it in your non existant little way
You non existantly know what I want more than anything in this world
Supposed to be your hero.. I became afraid, and I curled
Of my many errors..this hurts the most
If I could take it back.. I would never recur..or even come close 💭 June 2016… Still thinking of you

September 28, 2015 3:04am. Me and you.. Eclipse

An eclipse is something strong.. something powerful..Obscure

It’s really a beautiful thing if you look at it my way..Really both physically and emotionally .. When I first learned what an eclipse was..8th grade staring into my science book encapsulated ..It was beautiful to me, the first thing I thought was that the Moon covers the sun because she’s shy. But she can be herself with him..Behind him, she’s not afraid to show him her true colors (The blazing, beautiful Vibrant Red color when there is an eclipse) When the world can see her she chooses to be one color…Yellow, yellow is the color of happiness, enlightenment, Optimism. That’s only when the world is watching. But when the moon is in front of her she’s comfortable, she shows her fury. Life is not just about being happy.. without the falls, our jumps wouldn’t be so high. It’s important for the person you love to see both sides. Red is known as a color that is very emotionally intense. That’s why it’s my favorite, and if that’s what color she turns when he’s right there in front of her..then he is what she needs. All this time I’ve wondered where the universe was..what the whole thing looks like, I’ve wanted to know for so long if I could hold it in the palm of my hands..what would it look like? HAVE you ever wondered? Well that’s impossible right. Well I think I found it, and I know that it’s beautiful. My handsome..My rare..My eclipse

July 1, 2015 “No one notices, because I’m still strong”

How many times have I felt sick to my stomach and no clue why

How many times have I searched for answers..From a beautiful Blue sky 

How many times have I been ill

Compared to how many times it actually dawned on me

How many times have I wanted to Vomit,

Because I felt that it would set me free

Give me control because nothing else ever goes my way

Maybe this time my pride and integrity could stay

How many times have I self destructed because I couldn’t run

How many of you noticed and cared? Just one

How many times did I thank him for giving me something to lean on

How many times did I ignore him, well aware that I was wrong

How many times a day do I go from great, to awful, confused.. Or sad

I feel them all and they mix.. It gets bad

I don’t want to count all the bad and forget the good

I have to continue to focus.. I know I should

My life is slowly molding..I see the formality 

Sit back and watch my Dreams turn to reality  

October 21, 2016 Love is cute

If a kiss could speak..the depth of my love for you, we would be locked forever

If a hug could whelm the way you whelm my heart

We would always be stuck together

Is this real? These things called feelings

That if you abuse..has a complex process of healing

I can’t get over..the rush I get

You have power to change my mindset

The heart flutters, butterflies and cheeks so blushed

The sensitivity I just your touch

How can you be the foundation to my smile

Your steady speech makes my mind go wild

I’m a tense person, that’s the hard part

So how’d you get me to surrender my heart?

If I believed in fate, I’d say we were meant to be

I’m in love with the way  you click with me

To enjoy the best things in life, you must first open your mind.

I’m poetically yours, I belong to you

You impelled me to subject to you

Well close my mouth and open my eyes

My mind is already open

Just be gentle, my heart has been broken

Still a little shaken in the moment

I’ll  be careful

So addictive and so potent

You can’t let go, fall for me

Get lost in my technicalities 

My unrestrained personality

But open your mind and dominate me