Atelophobia

“Atelophobia”

Who made this word?

Who created this perfect description for why I feel so hurt?

Perfectionist.. or afraid of what I won’t be?

Crazy how what’s not real will still haunt me.

“Atelophobia”

This is so absurd

It’s as if someone climbed into my mind and described what they heard.

visibility

I promise that this is not just about posting my naked body

I promise that this just means more to me

I promise that word keeps coming around

You know.. “serenity”

I promise that this is about loving my freedom

My insecurities

uncertainties

I embrace them.. certainly

I wish you were there to see

The eye behind this lens and the people around me

The way they broke into me

From here I’ve taken control.. so cling to me

We rule

Like a thief in the night with the way You stole my heart

A kid with a kite with the way we ran so far

Lunatic with a knife the way we ended with scars 

A black woman with rights for how proud we are

How we went to war 

Found each other and discovered a roar 

Like a king and queen of the jungle. 

There’s nothing above this

Nothing will crumble

Because this is what love is 

“Bad News” June 04 2017 4:20am

Alone in my thoughts.. as I suffocate

Drowning in my tears struggling to keep my face straight 

Gasping for air as everything in my chest caves

You owe explanation for things you’ve said

Because every lie, now surrounds my head

As cause for every tear I shed

Is this what I’m worth to you?

I’ve been loyal to you

Explored with you

You wanted something new

I gave that to you

In return you’ve given me bad news

Affirmation

Peaceful meditation music

Hot shower on

Look in the mirror as I turn my powers on

I Undress her

Open wider and express to her 

I Notice every part of her

Hug her

Caress her

God is in me.. So I bless her

She see’s insecurity 

I see beauty 

I uncover her 

Discover her 

Touch her because..

I love her

Different Worlds

I started out in this world. Tight. Restricted.

The people in that world would tell me what to believe in.

I just felt that something was missing.

I rebelled.

To go against the grain set me free.

I began to feel more things happening, inside of me.

I began to feel like my body and my mind was speaking.

I was listening.

My new world consist of freedom and enlightenment.

My new world is so much more exciting and…

My new world is just the perfect environment.

Before, it was the opposite.

I met a friend.

His world was competitive.

His fix was from adrenaline.

Making sport of any situation that he found himself in.

I made conversation with a little girl.

She had the happiest world.

Full of fiction.

Absolutely nothing that she didn’t have confidence in.

Your world consists of what ever you like.

You may be restricted with a set of rules

You may be free with an open mind

Enlightened with knowledge

or simply blind.

You can be choosy.. have one

or experience every kind.

Minimalist with no worries

Materialistic with anxiety

Eccentric

Artistic

I think you get it.

You create your world. It’s what you choose in life, to surround yourself with. They change and grow as you do. It comes with an aura. It’s your happy place and your journey.

Post meditation 05/27/20 6:28am

Today I will experiment with freedom 

I will Freely express my feelings and emotions 

Nothing will provoke me because I am truly at peace 

My piece of mind.. no one can take away from me 

So I will hold onto that 

Some will tell me I’m wrong for that

They will go on with that

They simply want what I have 

I will be kind to them

Because there’s enough to share 

There’s enough enlightenment to spare

This is not a material thing

This is called experiencing 

Training the mind.. spiritual awakening 

The voice

There’s only one voice
but make it stop

I just want to see what my body does

Only one noise

but cause it’s there, we look back and we call it “us”

That leaves me one choice

But it also just leaves me curious 


I just want to move without negotiation 

I want to see what I’ll choose for recreation 

I’d be more into you.. no hesitation 

And if you could reach my mind instead 

it would be penetration 

Probably through concentration 

and not the stupid voice

Reassurance

You love.. how loving me makes you feel

You love.. that my touch makes you feel real

Then you hide from me

Come to me with lies for me

There’s a whole lot of irony

I tell you to keep it real 

You tell me this life isn’t real

I tell you how lies won’t heal

You paint this beautiful mind picture.. surreal

Say you have no identity 

So I’m sad for you 

Say you’re taken by anxiety 

So I’m mad for you

Say you can’t be loved

But that’s what I’ve had for you

I’m confused.. you have to explain 

Say it would just be us if you had it your way

If I ever tried to leave.. you’d have to block the doorway 

But let’s not think of what makes you afraid 

You say I’m what you need

I love you.. I won’t leave